We don't have many nights out and he does sleep when he can but he has a surgeon's ego and so being great in bed is a priority for him. That said, Mormons have learned to have fun without alcohol and often have to wait until drinkers are well-oiled and loosened up to join in the dopey-ness. And for your husbands, you are that person. He has become engrossed with pornography and having cybersex via cam with random women he meets in game rooms. My advice is, as others have said, have no expectations, expect that you will spend the majority of holidays, birthdays, family gatherings, valentines day, anniversaries alone or with other family or friends. If you end up marrying a true believing Mormon, your marriage will be a threesome. She doesn't want to marry you. The odds are definitely not in OPs favor for something like this working for him.
And her husband now is dead and she is left to wonder about their future. Is there even any sex at all in this fantasy. I think the most important thing is to bring up the issues as questions rather than points as why she's wrong.
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It is hard work. I was definitely taking the "Tough love" approach because I've read countless times on this and other boards, how Mormons claimed that they were cool with their SO not being Mormon, and that they weren't, themselves, orthodox. The religious differences between you two are a deal-breaking fault. It seems to me like you are walking into a relationship where there is a significant disconnect from the start. Mormons are also taught "Families can be together forever. They will serve as a constant reminder to her that she needs to conform- and you won't be wearing any.
Though, not everyone is looking for a free lunch out of a marriage. I realize my situation is less about marriage, and more about dating, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Great questions, and a terrific answer, Joanna. I have always been a very active, outdoor person.